I need to visit some
I gotta vent and today, it is you who will be on the receiving end. If I catch you rolling your eyes, I will understand. Here is the deal.
Over the last few weeks, there has been a neighborhood battle against a national retail giant. It also involved the city because there needed to be a rezoning. It all happened in our biggest suburb, Sioux Falls and it kind of affected me. Now I can understand that you might not want a Wal-Mart as a direct neighbor or even in the neighborhood, the old NIMBY attitude. And if that was the major complaint, along with the increased traffic and night parking lot lights with the increased truck traffic, then I could have been in sympathy with the neighbors. The part that got my goat and struck me in the heart was they didn’t want the Riff-Raff that went there to shop to frequent their fine neighborhood. The feriners, the overweight and the general low-class of people that would shop at Wal-Mart, as they referred to all who shop there was one of the main reasons to keep the store out of their fine neighborhood.
This all struck me as being rather uppity, as I was parking my new pickup in this large parking lot along with the Mercedes, BMW, other new pickups and cars that all held shoppers of all class of people who were doing the same as I was. Shopping at Wal-Mart. Now I realize these highbrow citizens were calling me Riff-Raff but I don’t see myself that way. I may be older, over-weight some, gray of hair and walk a little slower than I used to, but if I must say so myself, I am not Riff-Raff. I pay my bills and am a consumer just like all of the others who are joining me today. We are part of the retail experience that fuels the economy of our great nation. I, along with a whole bunch of other people choose to shop here for a variety of reasons. I see a lot of people I know there and I see the Wal-Mart plastic bags in a bunch of cars that look mighty nice to me, and I am sure those people do not see themselves as Riff-Raff either. I just seemed un-American to me.
The end of the story was Wal-Mart did not get the rezoning and finally decided to look for another location. The neighborhood won that battle, but what new battle lies ahead when another retailer decides to move to that spot. Or a wholesaler or an all-night C-Store/gas station. Maybe their customers will also be highbrow and the Riff-Raff will stay away. Or maybe, some of the Riff-Raff will bring their family and move into the neighborhood, just to give it a little class. Justice takes on many shapes and comes in many forms. I hope justice finds a place in this neighborhood.
The second thing that happened to me this week. We had a rummage sale. You know, garage sale, yard sale or whatever you call them, but the place where we trade things we no longer need for stuff we think we need and will use it for inventory for future rummage sales. The all American way to do commerce. What is humiliating is that the stuff we have and have marked at such a ridiculous low price that anyone could afford it, gets picked up, examined and then put back down, because it is not good enough for the picker. I loved that bowl, sat in that chair many hours, drank from those glasses and had the figurines on my shelf for years. Now I can understand clothes not being in everyone’s taste, but the antique table, or sled, decoys and couch should excite almost everyone who came to my garage. Not so. Sadly not so and then they have the audacity to ask if I will take less than $.50 for something clearly worth 10 times the amount I am asking. It was a test of wills. It was humbling. Maybe I took it too seriously. I guess, I do the same thing if and when I go rummaging. But today I am the seller and I have feelings.
So how does this fit in a discussion about retirement? Well, the way I see it is no matter what we have, it probably has little value to anyone but us. As we get older, we have more stuff that we have collected over a longer period of time. That make our stuff more valuable because it has been part of our family longer. Now I also think it has nothing to do with value based upon usefulness. It has to do with memories that are attached to each and everything we have. Maybe it was handed down from past generations or given as a gift by a family member. It may have special meaning because it belonged to someone who we dearly loved and they are no longer here with us to share laughs and stories. I have always said that when I die, I have 2 daughters-in-law who will rent a dumpster and just start tossing all of my valuable, time treasured items into it. The same is true at a rummage sale. It has no value other than usefulness because it carries no memories, yet. Maybe it will be inventory in a flea market, or even appear on the next rummage sale they have or just maybe it will find a place in their home and have a purpose in their lives. I would rather see that than the dumpster alternative. It is sad to see an auction where people are placing a value on the whole life experience of the sellers. We all have the same type of stuff, but it is different stuff to each of us. I guess we just can’t take it personal when someone decides what we have is not worth anything to them, or maybe it is just worth less than $.50.
Side note from my ever-inquiring mind. Do they have garage sales in Hollywood? Have you ever seen an ad for a garage sale for Donald Trump or Warren Buffet? If so, let me know, I bet they would have some things that I could use. And just once, I would like to ask The Donald, “Would you take less than $5,000 for this?” How about 10 bucks? I’ll bet that would get his goat, but he couldn’t yell, “You’re fired”. He could only say yes or no. I would like to try it sometime, just once.
Thanks again for letting me bend your ear. I needed to vent and you are a good friend. So until next time, I still have some stuff left for a future sale. I hope it happens before the dumpster is called for. Good selling and see ya later.
Put the coffee on
Sorry about dropping in like this, but I needed someone to talk to. You have good ears, so thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
I am going to offer one more of my Dougisms. In some of my presentations, I have posed the question: "What is the one thing we all have in common and for all of us it is different?" I am going to change it slightly and say "What are the two things we all have in common, but are different for all of us and on top of that, are direct opposites in the philosophical sense?" Deep huh? That is why it is a Dougism.
You have had a little time to think of it and in case you don't have the answer, I will give it to you. Promises and memories. We all have them; they are different for all of us; and they are direct opposites. Let me explain. I will also tell you why this is important in a discussion about retirement.
You see, we all have dreams. When we are young, our whole life is ahead of us and we do not know the limits of what is coming or even available. We assume we are invincible and we can do anything we want. We can have all that we want and be whatever we wish to become. For me, when I was in high school, I wanted to be faster on the track and even go on to college and get good training so I could get faster. I played football and we as a team were good and maybe some college would want me as their half-back. I had an offer from Arkansas, but they wanted me to go to a Jr. College for two years first and then see if I was able to play in the big leagues. I knew better and told them that if I was good enough for college ball, I would only play on the college level and forgo the JUCO route. I did neither. I had promise and a misguided method. I was the first in my family to graduate from college. I got a job with International Harvester and had all of the plans of becoming the president of the company some day. As part of the management training program, I was exposed to selling machinery and it was there I found my niche. I loved it, loved the people and to this day, bleed red when it comes to equipment. I had all of the promise in the world to be a top notch salesman in this international company and nothing could stop me. What stopped me what my bullheaded attitude that would plague me all of my life. There was right and there was wrong, and if it was wrong, I would have nothing to do with it. I continued in the sales field for the rest of my life and did ok, nothing spectacular, but ok was good enough for me. I had promise every step of the way, but those promises changed as time went on and opportunities presented themselves.
As my kids grew up and participated in their school activities, I was there every step of the way. I would always be in the stands to watch their athletic endeavors and in the audience to cheer their every performance. I could see their promise in this world, and wanted to share every moment that was available. Lynne and I would travel to watch and cheer and yell and laugh and cry as the young lives of our family matured and grew. We had promise in them. They grew up and all went on to complete their college life. They all had their own dreams and they each followed those dreams as we stood on the sidelines and watched, and marveled with pride at how they all were doing. They all had ambitions and went on to set their own paths in the world, unfortunately, a couple went too far away from us to allow us to continue in experiencing the joys of witnessing as parents, their accomplishments. The one that stayed close to home started her own business and mother and daughter also became best friends. With the other two, we could only hear about their lives in phone conversations and from the occasional road or plane trip to see for ourselves. We took such pride in what they were doing and wanted so much to be in the stands once again to witness it, but we sat at home and talked between us about that pride and our dreams and with the promise we would go see them more often, when the time was right. We had grandchildren, and wanted more. We wanted to be closer to them to see them grow and witness the promise that they had in their lives. A new generation that was making their mark on the world, and we could only hear about, again in conversations on the phone and letters and cards that came on special occasions. We again promised we would get to see them more in time when the situation was right and time would allow. They would go on to grow up without us, and do mighty fine. Even if we had been there to see them daily, they could not have done better and we could not have been prouder.
Life has a way of messing with promises. Lynne and I had all of 46 years together to plan and make promises of what was to be. We would travel, see the kids and grandkids and relax instead of working all of time to make ends meet. We would take the time to enjoy live together. We would build a new home, instead of letting me build for others. She would decorate the models and dream; with the promise that some day we would do this for ourselves. We bought a piece of land and called it the farm and it was there we made more promises for the future. We would plant flowers, grow a garden and do things to make life easier for wildlife. We built a cabin and made all kinds of promises, as we would sit on the porch, about what we would be doing in the future. We looked on this ground as something given by God to just us, to become stewards of, and we would not let Him down. We promised him it would be as He wished it to be, just show us the way. Then life entered in and screwed it all up. Lynne got cancer and together we made the promise we would battle it and win and things would get back to normal. We would beat the odds and pancreatic cancer would not claim another victim. We kept that promise as long as we could and then we lost. Lynne died and her part of the promise was gone. I was left to carry on alone.
In another part of this world, another couple was doing the same as us. They had a young family, were working their tails off for the time they could sit back and relax and enjoy the fruits of their labors together. They farmed, taught school and had an insurance agency and were pillars of their community. Then life took a left turn and screwed their lives up. The husband, Dwight, came down with incurable cancer and after he and his wife made the promise to fight and win this battle, it was not to be. His wife, Renee fought with all she had to make this dreaded disease go away and it did not work. He lost his life, and she was left to find her future without him. Promises made and not able to be kept.
Time would bring Renee and I together to try and find a new way to live with the past and yet not let the past tear us down. We got married and we made the promise to take care of each other and find a new life in a way neither of us ever planned. We accepted new families to be part of our combined family and to find hope and happiness in the new found wealth that only people can bring. We both promised not to forget those we lost, but not to try and replace them with someone new. The truth is, we found each other because two people died. That may be tragic, but we promised to make the best of it and we could do it because of the past we both had. New promises, a new life.
That is the first part of the Dougism. Promises. It is a small capsule of our lives to this point, but it is meant to show that we both had promises we wanted to keep, and those promises were different for each of us. Now for the second part.
Memories. The second part of the Dougism, Memories. I don't even have to go into them, do I ? The opposite, or at least the result of promises made. Each of the promises made; kept or not, were memories we both now have; we all have. Life is like that. It does not do what we want, it only gives us what it wishes, when it wishes. We can make all of the plans we want, and in the end they more than likely will be changed by life, and time. We make promises to ourselves, and time/life makes the decision whether they come true or are altered.
So what does this have to do with retirement? Can you think of any other time in your life when you can look back and see so many promises made and so many memories created? Only as we get older can all of this accumulate and grow. And now is the time to reflect. Some with sadness and some with great joy. To know we have beat the odds up to this point and are still able to do battle with time. We may not have much time left, but we have more battles to conquer. So we continue to make promises, and create memories. Each of us in our own unique way. When you think about it, it is kind of neat the way it works out, isn't it. I can only hope you have more promises kept than lost and the memories are able to bring joy to you every day and smiles as you reflect on the uniqueness of you.
Thanks for letting me barge in and thanks for the coffee. Sorry I stayed so long. I will be going now. See you next time, that is a promise.
It is easy to be lazy
Now I have to admit, I have not always been lazy. There have been times I have not gone at full speed, but to be called lazy would have been an insult. Lately I have noticed a change, and I am now admitting it to you. I have always said, "If you want to find and easy way to do a job, give it to a lazy man."
Here is a free Dougism. If someone ever says to you, after doing something of which they disapprove, " How stupid can you be?" Just reply, " I don't know. I aint done yet."
Now to the point of an observation I have of myself. Getting lazy.
Not all of the time, but more as time goes on. When I started this blog, it was done with the intention of presenting one persons view on the subject of retirement. I was tired of reading all of the articles that scared the bajebbers out me while telling me that I was in no position to retire. I just wanted you to see there was another side to the story. I think that premise has been followed up to this point, but the last couple of days revealed to me a new side of me that has not always been there. It was easier not to do anything than it was to sit down and have a conversation with you. Now, to be honest, the weather has been so nice that being outside has been a pleasure and I have also been spending more time at the farm, getting ready for spring work. I have been doing a lot of thinking of what I could write about, but the will to do the actual work just did not rise to the top. I have had good intentions, just not enough inspiration. I was willing to get into the car and put it in gear, but getting out of neutral has been difficult.
I always hear, that is the good thing about retirement. You don't have to always be doing something. It is ok to take time off, kick back and ponder the situation more than before. No schedules to keep, no places need be visited on a demand basis; nothing to do but whatever I want to do at the moment. Planning is good, but kind of over-rated; that takes effort. Maybe that is the key, I do not put forth the effort and at the end of the day, it seems ok. So it is.
Now if you read this 3 or 4 times, you will find that I really have not said much, certainly nothing very noteworthy. But that is ok. I am retired, learning to live with it and starting to like it. Now if you don't mind, I am going to hang up and do something else. Not sure, what, but something. There is always something to do, just not always something that needs to be done. If not today, maybe tomorrow and if I wait long enough, it may be that nothing needs doing. I am ok with that.
Note: If you wish to make a comment, you will not see it appear right away. If fact it may take a day or so. There have been some knuckleheads who have abused the privilege and have placed comments that do not belong and are not appreciated. So, I will not monitor and either approve or disapprove all comments. If it is on topic, great. If not, don't waste your time.
Got a minute?
It has been awhile since we had coffee, I am glad you could come over. Still take it black? Have a seat and I will be right back.I had something happen this last week that I want to share with you. I had the good fortune of spending a few days with one of my sons this last week and there were times we were able to just visit about things. I still have a hard time looking at my kids and realize they are grown adults; I still see them as they were when they left home and went to college. I am fortunate, I can be so proud of all of them and how they have developed into outstanding, hardworking adults. The point is, they have gone on to make their own way in this world and each has made an impact on their community.
We made a trip to Mitchell to see Grandma, go to the cemetery to see Lynne's grave and then on to the farm. It was on the drive home we got to visiting about the past and what was accomplished and what was not. My son made the comment to the affect that he wished he knew then what he knows now because he could have done better on the track than he did. He was a hurdler and middle distance runner and a darn good one in high school but struggled at the next level. I asked him if he thought he could have done better. been better, than he was. His reply surprised me. He said, without hesitation, " Oh, ya, for sure. I didn't work as hard as I should have, I didn't listen like I should have and knowing this now, looking back, I could have been better. My times could have dropped and I could have done better." The reason I was surprised is because I always figured his work ethic was such that he always gave the proverbial 100% in all he did. I just never saw him as he went far enough away to college, that I could not see him as often as I would have liked.
Now, what really struck me, was the thoughts I had after this conversation, and I had to take a look at myself. Did I give all I had when the opportunity presented itself to achieve the highest level of performance that was within me? I ran track, and by all standards, I was fast for my time and did ok on the local and state level. I ran the 440, 220, 100 (all yards then) both hurdles and the long jump. I held the school record for almost 50 years and to this day, I wonder what I could have done with more effort and better conditions. Todays track surfaces are so far superior to what we ran on, and the gear has made such improvements that all things being equal, to transition from my time to today should make marked improvements in times. However, that does not dismiss the fact that had I been able to advance to the next level and had coaches with the knowledge that is available today with todays conditions, what I could have accomplished. Of course I will never know, but I will always wonder. Which leads me to the real question, and the reason for this visit.
What could you have been, with more effort and more dedication? Whether sports, academics or in the work force, do you ever wonder what you could have accomplished? That is the benefit of retirement, we have time to look back and reflect on what might have been. Notice, I am not talking about making more money; that is not the point. I am talking about you as an individual and the marks you could have left on your life with more effort on your part, and more effort on my part. I am not talking about different circumstances; I am talking about YOU, ME, as individuals and the efforts we made, or didn't make. It is too late to make any changes in what could have been, but it still bites a little to admit that maybe I could have been better, done better and have been in a different position today. Maybe not, maybe you gave it all you had and are satisfied with what you did do and do not lament what you did not do. For me, I will always wonder, "Could I have run the 440 in 45, the 100 in 9.8 with more effort and dedication?"
There are other aspects of my life that I will also wonder about but the track is the one area that I will always question. I am not dissatisfied at all with how things turned out with my life; I never try and second guess any decisions that I have made. I never wonder what different circumstances would have made in my life. But I do wonder what it would have been like to hear my name and the posted time being 45.1. Today I struggle to take light jogs, let alone run all out, so I will neve know the answer to my lingering doubts. But, hey, I have time to think, and this is just something I thought about after my conversation with my son. Funny how our kids can teach us something, after all.
Wow, I guess I have taken enough of your time. I am sure glad we had a chance to visit again, these are good time. See ya later. I think I will go for a walk. I can use the exercise and also take the time to think about the wisdom my kids possess and share with me, now that I am retired. But I still am their dad.
I confess, I stole this:
I have a confession to make. The only good ideas I have ever had, I stole from someone. I also practice only stealing from the best. I don't know where I got this, but I know it is not original with me. If it is yours, let me know and I will give you credit. Until then, I will share it with all of you.
They Ask Why l Like Retirement !!!
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes. Or Velcro fastened.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal ..
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
SERENITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
*
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
*
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.
*
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
*
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
*
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'.
*
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
*
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
*
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
*
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
*
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
*********
Hope you got a chuckle or two and recognized your friends in some of the above. Now go lay down, it is time for your nap.
What a beautiful day
I was not prepared for daylight savings time to come just yet, but I sure do like the warm weather we are having already. Let's for a walk while we visit, if you don't mind.I had a revelation this past week while I was at the farm, and it dawned on me that what happened was not an isolated incident. I was leaving the farm and headed into Mitchell when I spotted a bald eagle sitting in a lone tree, not far from the road. His white head was brilliant in the sun and the way he was sitting was ideal for a neat picture. I had to turn around and get my camera ready and also have the drivers window on the same side as the eagle; I had to put my telephoto lens on and get the proper setting on the camera. I drove to the spot that would put me as close to him as possible, stopped and the put my camera out the window for the shot. I zoomed in as much as the lens would allow and just as I was ready to take the first shot, he flew away. I started shooting anyway and got a half-dozen pictures as he flew away. I knew right away I did not have enough lens to get a good picture, let alone a great one. There was one chance and then it was gone.
What did I realize at that moment? I was limited by the equipment I had, to do the job I wanted to do, and it was not adequate. There was nothing I could do about it; I was at the limit of my ability at the time. Here is what else I learned. There are a lot of things I would like to be able to do, but do not have the ability any more to do them. I have limitations in all aspect of my life.
I used to be a runner; I can no longer run other than make an old-man attempt. I can jog for a short distance, but my broken leg from a year ago lets me know it is not time to do that yet. I can not lift things that I used to not think twice about lifting; I run out of air with a bit of exertion and my general physical condition is a far cry from what it once was. I joined the wellness center this winter to try and get into some kind of shape for spring and summer work, but I realize what I have been doing is great as far as it goes, but it just doesn't go as far as it used to.
My eyes are holding up, but still need correction for reading and my hearing is so bad that I am thinking of hearing aids. ( my God, did I really say that?) I didn't say I was going to get them, only thinking of them. I know it must be time because I get ads in the mail almost daily promoting the newest and greatest devices that fit inside the ear and let's me hear everything I have been missing. Now, I admit that at times being hard of hearing is an advantage. I can tune people out without seeming to do so and they don't seem to notice. If I had a $1 for each time I said "What" or "Huh" I would live the life of leisure in these retirement years. Sometimes it is reflex and habit, and other times, it is out of necessity since I could not hear what was being said. I miss 1/2 of what is on the tv or in the movie. Maybe that is why I enjoy reading so much, I don't have to hear what is being said on the page. As for seeing, I can still spot a deer a mile away and tell the difference between ducks and geese at a distance. I can read a sign as we travel down the highway and every now and then steal a glance a beautiful young woman as she hurries to her destination.
I guess that is about it. I just wanted to relate the reality that we all must face, and that is there are limitations for all of us, and there is not a darn thing we can do about it, but admit it. We have to ask for help, when we used to be the help giver. We have to say no, when we used to say we can do it all. So what does that really mean?
Well, for me it means I can take my time and see all of the things I used to pass up because I was in such a hurry to get someplace. It means I can take the time to visit with friends who were always as busy as I was and to see people who just never found their way into my schedule. It means sleeping later, taking longer naps, taking longer walks and realizing that the steps I take each day are a blessing and the places they take me to are an adventure. It means I have to have patience for most everything I do and not get frustrated with what I can't do. It means I will never run as far or fast as I once did, nor lift the loads I took for granted. I no longer have to be the best at what I do, because I never was, anyway. Now I can except my limitations and realize they are not things I can't do, rather they are things I can do, instead. Unlike not having the correct lens for taking pictures, I can adapt my life to my abilities. I may not have everything I want, but I probably have everything I need. And what I don't have, that's ok. I now know that enough is enough and each day and each task is a blessing of what is possible and to lament those things that are no longer possible is just a waste of time.
And a good slow walk with a friend on a good slow warm spring day is so much fun when I don't have to hurry to get someplace. The birds seems to be singing extra loud at this time of year and you know when the robins are all over the place, winter will soon be a distant memory. Look, there is a Cardinal whistling; love it. (See, I can still hear what I need to hear) No, I just need to get home, but when, is no longer critical. Thanks for tagging along and let's do it again; maybe tomorrow, but not too early.
Mind if I come over
Sorry about just dropping in, but there is something I want to share with someone and I don't know anybody who will understand this better than you.
As you know, I have been going to a fitness center almost everyday for about 6 weeks now, trying to get back into shape as well as trying to keep all of the vital parts vital and in working order. The one thing I notice is that at the time of day that I go, the majority of the members are around my age; some younger, some older. Almost all us have one thing in common; working out is not like it used to be. It is work. We can't lift the same amount of weight as we used to, we can't last as long on the treadmill or elliptical machines as we once did and it takes longer to do the things we need to do. The strength is not there, the flexibility is a lot less and we just can't run around the track like we did 30-40 years ago; and yet we try. It takes a while to realize the new reality and then settle in to a work-out routine that we can do that will also do us some good. Whenever we stop and visit (which is often), we all lament about our ailments and the fact that we can't perform like we once did. And invariably, the cliche' comes up "It is hell to get old".
I got to thinking about that today when a friend made that comment, about getting old. He used to be a pro-football quarterback and came home to start and maintain his business. He has had both knees replaced and admits that he no longer can run and even walking is limited. His earlier career is taking it's toll. I asked if now thinks he was ever the target of a bounty, since that is the object of a lot of sports news lately. Anyway, when he commented on it is tough to get old, my response was not thought out, but just came voluntarily, like most of my smart-ass remarks do. I said "I know a lot of my friends who which they could have gotten older."
As is often the case, I drift back in time and remember those whose lives were cut short for whatever reason and wonder what our lives would have been like if they were still alive today. I am of the age where many of my relatives and friends never lived to be the age that I am, and quite frankly, I miss them. But that is another story for another time.
The point I want to make today is that, yes it is hell to get older, and it is tough to do the things that once were easy. But, and here is the crux of my visit, stop and look around you. Go to the mall, or in this case, the fitness center, and just stand in one spot and do a 360 degree turn and tell me that you can't find someone in worse shape than you. Notice the lady who needs a walker to get around, or the guy who is wheel-chair bound and he is playing basketball. What about all of the young people we have sent off to a war that returns them with limbs missing or worse yet, minds that are gone. They, too, are alive and I am sure they have ailments and pain that they wish they didn't have. To them, life is not easy, but it is LIFE because the alternative is not an option right now. You have what you have and you are who you are and what you are. To complain is natural, but be honest and admit that given a choice of living or dying, most of us will choose the living part. And those that are dying wish they had the other option available to them.
You have a choice and I recommend you BE HAPPY with what you have. Don't pity those with less because they don't want your pity and it does you no good either. Admire their abilities and perserverance, and attitude. Don't spend time admiring those who have more than you because they deserve what they have earned and more than likely will not share it with you anyway. We all have problems, but we also have many blessings that we seem to overlook way to often. Figure out what it is that makes you happy and do more of it and do it today and everyday. Love those whose lives you are a part of and laugh more than you cry. I hate going to funerals, but I can remember when I was not all that keen on going to weddings. At our age, we have more funerals in our future than weddings, so don't plan yours just yet. Retirement, if that is what you choose should be a time of celebration and joy along with all of the reflections. I had a reader respond about looking back or looking ahead. You can't look back and accomplish anything because you can't change what was. You can only look ahead and change with all that will be. Who among us of that certain age, could envision walking around with our telephones in our pocket and sending messages in text rather than actual talking mode? Who could fathom having a computer the size of a note pad that we could look up any question we ever have or write to anyone and have an instantaneous response and even sit at and have a conversation with the grandkids and they can see us and we can see them? Life is changing and in our lifetimes, we were part of the change, we made it happen. We were the pioneers who dared dream and we took those dreams and made life better for the world. Well, it is happening again, only this time it is the younger generation who are the pioneers and they will make things happen. As for us, we have a life to lead and dreams that need to be fulfilled. So go do it. Today and tomorrow and the days after, live, laugh and love and do all of them often and with fervor.
I once had a speaker say something that I have always carried with me. He said "Lord, don't let me die until I am dead". Kinda profound and so true, and now I give it to you.
Wow. I think I have worn out my welcome. Thanks for listening to this old man ramble on, but as you know, I have lots of time on my hands and I have always been a rambler. Oh well, gotta run now, and thanks for being my friend. See you next time.
Come in and get out of the rain
I having some green tea, in honor of Jimmy Hank. Days like this always bring his memory forefront. Would you like some? It is so cold and rainy today, I just thought that sounded good.
Now, the reason I asked you to come over today. I have a confession to make and didn't know who better to help with it than you, so I hope you don't mind. I don't want this to come off as being boastful or seeming to be to full of myself, but it is one of the hardest things I am having trouble with in retirement. It is the feeling of not contributing to society, of not being involved, or dare I say, not needed. Now before you roll your eyes, let me give you some background for my conjecture.
All of my adult life, I was involved. From scouts, church, the business community, the local organizations like Lions and the Optimists; I coached all of my kids, served on committees and was asked to do so as well as just volunteering. I wanted to make things happen and make situations better; I had in my mind, self-worth. I looked at myself as a valuable part of the community in which I lived, and that was not just the geographic boundaries of my city, but any professional body in whose occupation I worked or played in. I was on boards, served in leadership positions and was always willing to help whenever I was asked, or I thought I was needed. Sometimes it became overwhelming and too time consuming, but I felt the obligation to work when asked, and was always honored when I was asked for my involvement or asked of my opinions.
Now when someone is appointed to a board, or asked to part of a committee for some community function, the invitation is not forthcoming like it used to be. My younger friends all talk of all of the groups they are working with and all of the meetings they are going to for whatever function and I just sit there and recall what it was like, and feel as though their world exists in a circle of which I am on the outside looking in. Do I miss all of the time that was needed to be involved? Not at all, I now enjoy sitting home in the evenings, or later in the mornings for an extra cup of coffee, or to read a few more pages in a book I am reading. So on the one hand, I am almost glad I am not part of the whirlwind of activities that was once my life, and yet I long for what it did for me when I was. Maybe I am not making any sense of what I am saying, because I can see your eyes kind of glazing over thinking, get on with it. Get over it and enjoy what you have. But it is real. I feel like the old work horse who is put out to pasture to live out his last years because he can no longer pull his share of the load; or the old dog who is left home when young pups are loaded in the pickup to go hunting, because he can no longer keep up, or smell or see as good as he used to. The world is saying, "You had your time and you did ok, but now it is our turn. So just go sit on the porch, or in front of the fire and cover your legs with the afghan and enjoy your time in life. Let us do the lifting for a change. Your time was good, but it is in the past. You always said, "The future belongs to the young people. Well we are the young people and the future is here and we want our go at it.""
So there-maybe it is just this spurt of nasty weather that seems to put a gloom on everything. When the weather turns warmer and I can work in the garden, or the flowers and get the machinery going again on the farm, I will feel different and be glad that someone is not calling to ask me to do something when really I would rather be doing this. And maybe, by confessing this nagging problem and hearing the words spelling it out, it will be better. I hope so, because I am so glad that I have an opportunity to take my time and enjoy the flowers and all of the smells that go along with them. I am grateful for all of the good times I had and take pride in most of the things I accomplished. I can witness the growth of the idea that was once mine, and see the good that it is doing still; and I can take pride in the knowledge that I actually helped parts of my society by my involvement. Maybe I am also missing the friends that were part of my earlier days who are no longer around to share stories with. I have their memories, but that is often not enough. So maybe I am just wallowing in self pity, and if so, I am sorry I am taking your time for a pity-party.
As a matter of fact, I am feeling better now, getting this off my chest. I can still look in the mirror and smile at the old man I almost don't recognize; I can still share in the stories that my friends tell and even laugh at their jokes over coffee. I enjoy the association with the younger men who are willing to share the morning coffee with me for they keep me young, and to them, I say thanks for letting me be a part of your world. Maybe we didn't do the best job of running things when we were in charge and have left you with a mess today, but hey-live with it and make it better. We tried to do the same things when we were your age and we got it this far, but now you have the responsibility to carrying on. Go to it and give it your best, I think for now, I will just grab my book and turn the fire up while it is raining on the end of February. Oh, and thanks. Thanks for listening, and thanks for all you are doing. I appreciate it.
And thank you for taking to the time to sit and listen to this old man carry on. I appreciate your company, as always, and to Jimmy Hank, and Mikey "Miss you man".
Let's sit by the fire
It is so good to see you again. It is so cold and rainy today, it will be better if we sit by the fireplace. After-all, it is still February and it is still South Dakota. I have some new herbal tea I think you might enjoy, so have a seat and I will get you a cup. Be right back.Now, what is it I can help you with today?
"I am of the age where I need to be serious about planning for retirement, and the big question I have is how will I know when the time is right for me to make the move? Is there a magic age? I have some money set aside working for me and my wife and I have both worked most of our adult lives but I continue to read we need so much more money than we have if we want to retire that I don't know what kind of plans to make? What did you do and how is it going?"
First of all, I can say you are not alone in your questions. This seems to be the one thing that is on the minds of a lot of people. Now some have their lives all mapped out and money is not a concern. They either have an adequate pension or good investments or for what ever reason, they are well set. But for the rest of us, the questions still are there, so don't think you are the Lone Ranger in your quandary. Let me take them one at a time.
As to when is the right time-only you can determine that. There is no magic age. You may wish to continue to work at the same pace you are working today and want to do that for quite some time. You may have many reasons for wanting to continue working. You may own your own business and are not willing to give it up yet. You may just like your work and your employer is willing to keep you on either in your present capacity or in some other capacity agreeable to the both of you. You may want to keep working because you don't have anything else you would rather do; no hobbies or past-times to occupy your time. Since you do not have anything planned, to continue to work is the best option and that is good for you. I know of some people who do not want to retire because their spouse says "You ain't hanging around the house and being under foot bugging me all day, you just keep working." That is as good a reason as any. As I mentioned earlier, you might not be as popular and in demand as much as you think. The other person has their own life to lead and the last thing they need is a "puppy" just hanging out at home. If you don't have anything to do with your time, just keep on keeping on. You need to remember, this thing called retirement is not a short term proposition, it is for the rest of your life and we hope it is a long time before your picture appears in the morning paper. You can always change directions but it will be easier if you have some direction planned rather than just waking up some morning and saying, "Now what?"
More Tea? No, ok. Now for the next part of your question. I want to remind you of my earlier abnomition, and that is how much money is enough. That is the wrong question. You first need to determine how much you will need just to pay your ongoing expenses, plus a little extra for some unexpected problems. You see, if you don't have enough to pay the basics you have some decisions to make. If the expenses you identify are real, and they better be, don't try and sugar coat them; then you need that much each month before you can do anything else. Take into consideration all income, whether it is from pension, savings, investment income, social security or from whatever other means you have, this is the money you have to work with. You should not have to deplete savings or cash in investments to make ends meet, because you run the risk of running out of funds before your picture appearers in the morning paper. You may need these funds for a major emergency; hopefully they are working for you on a regular basis. Don't plan on dipping into the principal as a means of meeting your monthly obligations. Remember, you also need to fund you new interests; whether it is traveling, or taking up a new hobby, make sure there is some money set aside for them in your future, which we hope is long and enjoyable. You are probably going to find it is going to take less money than you think, but it is going to take planning to make it work. You will also find your lifestyle will be different. You will do different things than you are doing now, but you also may find you can't do all of things you are doing now because your income stream has changed. If not, you don't need me to give you advice, you need to get busy doing whatever it is you are going to do.
As for how is it going for me. To tell you the truth, it took some time to get in the groove. I felt guilty going to the fitness center and working out; I felt guilty if I took off to take pictures or sat down to write, or read, or nap. Love naps-naps are good. But now I have a new outlook on life. I am trying to take better care of myself by working out on a regular basis. I have changed my eating habits in that I don't eat so much garbage and I eat smarter and smaller portions. I have found a couple of hobbies that require educating myself on an ongoing basis and I am always looking for ways to challenge my mind. I don't fret like I used to rather I take the day as it comes to me and not worry so much about meeting goals and using accomplishments as a means of keeping score. Life is easier if I take my time and dwell on the important things, like having coffee in the morning with the guys and try and solve the problems of the world because no one else is. I try and not hang around the house yet when I do I work at trying to cook some, and maybe even do some house work. I go to the office once in a while and to the shop to try and concoct some project and I read a couple of books a week. I even splurge and go spend some money on tools or clothes once in a while, but mostly I just go about each day as a gift that it is. In general, life is good; Renee has things that she likes to do like play cards, go to bible study and volunteer at the hospital so she has a life of her own and we try and cross paths and do something together on a regular basis but not be clingy on each other.
I don't know if this helps you, but the time has sure gone by and I feel as though I have taken a lot of yours. I appreciate you asking for my advice and feel free to come by any time. When the weather turns nicer, we can resume our walks. I will be going to the farm as we get into March and then I will be spending lots of time up there. In the meantime, take care and enjoy life. And, no picture in the morning paper.
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Readers take note. I would welcome guest editorials if you want to chime it. If you have an interesting story to tell or just want others to know how you are spending your time in retirement, I will make this space available. Just let me know in the comment section at the bottom of this post and you too, can be the next Grisom.
A guest editorial
As I promised, here is a view presented in a most interesting way by a follower of The Geezer. I will let him tell you about himself. ******************
HI there folks, I am Dennis Tonsager, I live in the North Denver
area and I have been asked to make a few observation about this
time change that is happening with my life. As was put to me
recently, my movement into the Golden Years. And my
observations are to include my Objections to this transition. So,
you can see that could be fun, interesting, frustrating, aggravating,
etc……..
My first line of attack on this condition has been to try to ignore it,
thinking it will all go away. Of course this lasts about 10 seconds,
when I am looking down at the age spots on my hands and the
occasional peek at the Bump, the stomach, in my mid section that
used to be Svelte, man that was a quick return to reality.
So, now I have turned to trying to Amuse myself. Recently, that
has been more successful. I have found that attempting to remove
ones self from reality has certain benefits. One of them seems to
be that time moves quickly. And with that I seem to have a smile
on my face most of the time when doing so. So, that would take
one to the old axiom, don’t take yourself to seriously. It’s boring!
So, with a few illustrations here, I hope to give you an idea of what
I may have to comment about in regard to my condition. I would
be more then delighted to make comments on observations that
you may have on any of the topics or situations illustrated here.
I will now take Flight. (You will get that train of thought in a
moment or two.)
This is what I meant when I said I chose to amuse myself, who
wouldn't want to be in this place. It is timeless.
My observations at times may seem improbable.
Some will seem LARGE.
Some will seem inconsequential.
Others will be quite nice. (Come on now were not that old!)
I will be confounded and you may well be too.
Reality will come right at you and you won’t be able to get out of
the way!
Diversionary Tactics can and will be used on you.
Periodically, there will be a quick visit with you.
Sometimes I will get into a scrape and share it with you.
At times, everything will line up perfectly.
And then all, at times will be in perfect Harmony.
Well, let’s just leave it that for openers.
I will from time to time follow with more specific observations.
Kind regards,
Dennis Tonsager
Fair is Fair, I must give credit for the photos to:
Apaixondos’ Por Aviao’ Belem, Brazil
You can find them on Face Book.
So there you have it. The first guest editorial. Dennis promises more in the future so now it is your turn. What do you have to say that you think others like yourself would be interested in reading. Let me know and you could be the next Guest Editorialist. Just fill out the comment section at the bottom of this post, send it in and I will be in touch. Until next time, doug
